LATE WINTER--MORDRED IS KINDA A MESS

Mordred, We Hardly Knew Ye

FC

So for those of you with even an inkling of the King Arthur saga, Mordred is a relatively minor character in most versions of the legend. Mordred is the bastard nephew of Arthur, who just happens to be Arthur's son as well. Morgause, Arthur's half-sister, lured him into bed (he didn't know they were related, but she did) and they conceived Mordred. Talk about the stuff of soap operas, I can't imagine why television or movies hasn't really tackled this story in a major film for the last 35 years.

Yes, it is 38 years since BBC made a King Arthur series, and 36 years since the excellent Excalibur. Recently I saw a trailer for a new King Arthur movie, full of special effects. So without having seen the finished product, the idea of bright and shiny “Dark Ages” movie does little for my inner child. A series of arty little films that deal with various love stories from the legend have been made, but nothing that tackles the grit and the dysfunction of the legend. Portraying any of the main characters of the Arthur legend as pure evil misses the point. If there is anything certain about the tales, it is that there is nothing certain about the characters' characters.

Mordred often stirs it up, but other times he tries to be decent. But how could he not be a mess? After all, he is the bastard son/nephew of the king. Maybe inbreeding made this guy a sociopath—nature vs. nurture? We can't hope to know because before we can really feel sorry for Mordred he pulls increasingly more evil moves. For instance, while Arthur is off fighting wars someplace, Mordred declares his father dead, crowns himself king, and tries to marry his stepmother Guinevere! (Guinevere by the way, sleeps with Sir Lancelot, whenever she isn't setting Sir L up to fight in single combat to protect her honor. Everyone knows Guinevere is sleeping with Lancelot, but he just happens to be the best knight around and Arthur loves and respects him. So, Lancelot pounds a series metal-clad knights into tins of cat food to prove the Queen's virtue. Virtue?) Yes, chivalry means never having to say you are sorry. Honor, (or honour, as the Brits spell it,) never seemed so dishonorable.

So why not a movie starring Leo DiCaprio as Arthur, Jennifer Lawrence as Guinevere, Shia LeBouef as Lancelot (after all, he was French,) and Justin Bieber as Mordred? Let's have a monster or two, some karate, and maybe a car chase. Don't forget a bit of nudity—just a glimpse to keep the film's rating at PG. Okay, you got better ideas, let's hear them. (My fellow editor Catherine suggests that Matthew McC- fellow and Keira Knightly. Love the Keira Knightly choice, better than mine!)
WE WANT TO KNOW YOUR CHOICES!

The Arthur story is compelling. Mordred is evil, but it's really not his fault is it? (Sir Lancelot also has a bastard son, but his son, Sir Galahad is as pure as snow. Lancelot got a good bastard son.) Of all the characters in the story, it is Mordred who is betrayed at every turn, and it is Mordred, more than any other character, who just can't behave. His mother was evil, his half-brother killed his mother, his father doesn't really claim him. Well, what can we expect?

And it's not as if it is only Mordred causing trouble. Someone is always trying to tie Guinevere to a post and burn her alive. Knights get poisoned, and they murder each other without much reason. The women try to lure men either to their doom, or into compromising sexual situations. The men willingly are lured to be sure. Old Merlin is smitten with Nimue who tricks him into revealing his magic to her, only to trap him under a rock forevermore. That doesn't make Merlin blameless. He is hardly looking at Nimue chastely. The troubles never end. Camelot was not really so wonderful it ends up. But Mordred is the dilemma that can't be ignored. Arthur is too decent, and too responsible to destroy his son.

Maybe that's why these stories fascinate readers. Despite the evil deeds (yes, there are noble deeds as well) the characters are all too human. Even in “La Morte D'Arthur,” written during the Renaissance, which is mostly an endless litany of battles and intrigues, we get a sense of the humanity of the characters. Yes, Mordred is a bastard, literally and figuratively, but the reader can't help but feel kind of sorry for him—while hating his guts. He is Arthur's only child and an embarrassment. So he lashes out in increasingly imaginative ways.

If Mordred had ever written his story, it would probably be akin to Augusten Burroughs' “Running with Scissors.” Dysfunctional, hilarious, and tragic. Remember, the King Arthur legend is the soap opera of the ages. Perhaps five centuries from now, the legend will have expanded to include a whole new series of modern problems including drug addiction, road rage, and extreme hoarding.