September 10, 2017
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| ANGRY NUN |
President Trump's Department of
Homeland Security stated today that it would build a wall around the
Vatican. Until the wall is built, all travel between the Vatican and
the United States will be halted.
A Homeland Security spokesman, Larry
Moeand said, “with the instability inside the Vatican we just can't
risk having any more Catholics coming here. Don't we have enough?”
In a related move, nuns will also be
banned from wearing habits or veils in the United States. “Weapons
could easily be hidden under the loose habits, and the head-dress or
veil hides the identities of the individuals.” France has banned
head scarves and burqas since 2010. Other countries, including
Australia have also considered the banning such religious garb, but
this is the first instance of any country banning Catholic religious
garb. Hoods and robes will also be banned in the U.S.
Mr. Moeand also said, “This move has
absolutely nothing to do with the American Catholic Church's
opposition to the repeal of the DACA.”
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| U.S. TO BUILD A WALL |
The construction of the wall is expected to begin any day. When
asked if what the Italian government's response to the wall being
built in Italy near the Vatican, Mr. Moeand said, “Hey, we helped
those folks out a lot after WWII. Who cares what they think?”
September 10, 2017
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| SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT MAX TRAX |
The San Francisco School Board has
voted to ban gender-specific Halloween costumes in all San Francisco
schools. Max Trax, chairman of the school board said,
“Gender-specific costumes cause confusion for a lot of students.
Part of the job of educators is to instill a sense of acceptance for
all individuals, no matter what their sexual preference may be.
Princesses, football outfits and cheerleader costumes make some
students very uncomfortable and it can lead to poor self-esteem.”
Other banned costumes include Ninja
Turtles, Kung Fu uniforms, skeletons and vampires, no matter what
gender. The vote to allow Hillary Clinton masks to be worn failed to
garner enough votes.
President Trump masks are absolutely
banned, said Mr. Trax. “Children get very scared by the image of
President Trump in San Francisco.” Mr. Trax added, “kids still
have lots of options for Halloween. It can still be lots of fun. They
can be pumpkins, the smiley face, and cell phones.”
